Now Watch Me

[dragonclaw15]

Here's something I wrote just now. Critique, post your ideas on what it's about, whatever. I'm a little rusty on writing, so bear with me please.

~DC

Now Watch Me

Wash the blood off of my head
Now put me in my little bed
Now watch me as I stand up straight
Now catch me as I find a new state
Of mind, of being
Of living, of seeing

Now dress me up in my best clothes
And put my shoes over my toes
Now put me on a bus to far away
And get rid of me for another day
Another week, another grain,
Another year, another rain

Now watch me as I wither away
Now tell me some words to say
Now look away when I fall
Now tell me I didn't give all
Of my life and of my time
Of my reason, of my rhyme

Now watch me try to find a key
To open a lock I cannot see
Now watch me drown myself with drink
I'll make my head so light I cannot sink
Into myself, into my head,
Into your eyes, into my bed

Try to figure out what's wrong with me
And watch as I write more bad poetry
Watch me tighten my grip on art
And find the secret to your heart
And look away, don’t you say
That’s not in the script of the play

Now look away for four years
And don’t count all of my tears
I'll keep them in a hidden jar
I'll return from somewhere far
From you and from fear
From myself and from here

Now open a box holding a life
And let me hold my throat to a scythe
Now go and find yourself
And leave me to lose myself
And my heart, and my brain
And my voice, and my rain

Now watch me as I take this gun
And raise my eyes up to the sun
Now watch me from the south
As I place peace in my mouth
Pull away, look away
Maybe we’ll be us some day

[Craze]

Sounds like the life cycle of a person, to me. The blood in the beginning of his birth, the sending away being of going to boarding school, and things like that. Not bad, though.

[dragonclaw15]

Aye. I attempted to not make this my usual crap about love, but unfortunately it turned into a love and love lost thing.

1st Stanza - about birth and early infancy

2nd Stanza - about going to school. Not necessarily boarding. The "grain" refers to sand, as in an hourglass.

3rd Stanza - Basically teenage angst, strife with parents, et cetera.

4th and 5th Stanzas - more teenage stuff.

6th Stanza - College.

7th Stanza - "box holding a life" = engagement ring box. Basically the girl the guy loves is marrying somebody else.

8th Stanza - pretty obvious I'd say. "Watch me from the south" is a personal reference. The last line refers to the possibility of meeting in the afterlife.

Not a very symbolic and complicated thing, which both is and isn't what I had hoped for. Ah well, I can always write another.

[Craze]

It's good; not all good poems need to rely on symbolism or complications (heck, really, life is not always symbolic.)

Though, the "withering away" portion fooled me into thinking that the poem skipped to old age.

[dragonclaw15]

I just need to practice symbolism, since my writing, like me, has always been pretty direct and to-the-point.

With the "wither away" portion, I was going for something like withdrawing into one's self.

[Craze]

dragonclaw15 said:

I just need to practice symbolism, since my writing, like me, has always been pretty direct and to-the-point.

With the "wither away" portion, I was going for something like withdrawing into one's self.

Ah, depression. Though, I'd think that as teenager one strives to find their own identity (shedding their old skin, perhaps.) But, yeah, depression comes with growing up.