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Post by NeoEllis on Nov 28, 2005 20:19:46 GMT -5
Scientists believe that the universe came into being 13.5 billion years ago when Chuck Norris round house kicked the vacuum of space.
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Post by The Giant-Size Man Thing on Nov 28, 2005 22:35:09 GMT -5
Chuck Norris lost his first round in CounterStrike 1.6, and decided to dragon kick a small child. Suddenly, the child exploded and Vin Diesel was born. Chuck immediately challenged him to a duel in the Octagon. The match ended five and a half days later with a total of 562 dead, 1029 wounded, and 67 cases of rape. The match ended when they decided their powers weren't worthy to be seen by mortal eyes and decided to sleep for a thousand years and rise when the time has come. But Chuk Norris didn't agree to this and has been masturbating ever since.
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Post by NeoEllis on Nov 28, 2005 23:13:20 GMT -5
The sun is Chuck Norris' right eye and the moon his left.
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Post by The Giant-Size Man Thing on Nov 28, 2005 23:15:48 GMT -5
Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make sub par cookies in the tree, Chuck's tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.
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Kensai
Delta
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Posts: 207
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Post by Kensai on Nov 29, 2005 1:51:15 GMT -5
Chuck Norris once did battle with Godzilla. The bottle was almost won, when Godzilla made the mistake of breathing radioactive fire on Chuck. The result was Chuck's beard deflecting the radiation back at Godzilla, with bits of beard, causing Godzilla to instantaniously dissapear into a dinmension filled with giant fuzzy bunnies.
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Post by NeoEllis on Nov 29, 2005 10:37:28 GMT -5
Chuck Norris is the basis for Hercules, Darth Vader and all other legendary heroes. He was the 14th, 32nd and 45th President of the United States.
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Post by Cygnus X-1 on Nov 30, 2005 16:40:41 GMT -5
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
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Post by NeoEllis on Nov 30, 2005 17:00:26 GMT -5
Chuck Norris is actually Kannon, the Buddhist deity of compassion and mercy. He has the ability to take whatever form he wishes and can round house kick any skeptic into belief.
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Kensai
Delta
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Posts: 207
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Post by Kensai on Nov 30, 2005 17:48:24 GMT -5
Chuck Norris is the actual father of Jesus. In a fight, he gave his fiercest roundhouse kick yet, sending him back in time the night Mary conceived. He then proceeded to have sex with Mary. The next day, he threatened Joseph with a roundhouse kick, and gave him a story to tell. The rest is history.
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Post by Androidraptor on Dec 6, 2005 19:51:01 GMT -5
Chuck Norris totally owned Shiro in Ep.10 of 08th, but he didn't use a mobile suit; he used his bare hands. And then he proceeded to snap to poor man's neck.
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Post by The Fighting Libra on Dec 7, 2005 20:02:04 GMT -5
Chuck Norris did a strong roundhouse kick to Bruce Lee in an underground fight club. Bruce Lee was killed, and his death was covered up. Chuck Norris, on the other hand, was sent back in time to the medieval times, where he killed millions in the European nations. He had initially fallen in some mud before his killing spree, and thus appearing to be a negro. And that's the story behind the Black Plague.
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Post by NeoEllis on Dec 7, 2005 20:34:14 GMT -5
Have you ever been in one of those moments where you're at a gathering of some sort and you see someone but don't talk to them, then a couple of weeks later you pass them in a hall or something, but make eye contact for entirely too long and you have no choice but to say "hi" even though you have practically no idea who this person is? Chuck Norris sees you when this happens, and laughs.
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Post by Ai on Dec 7, 2005 21:23:07 GMT -5
Chuck Norris did a strong roundhouse kick to Bruce Lee in an underground fight club. Bruce Lee was killed, and his death was covered up. Chuck Norris, on the other hand, was sent back in time to the medieval times, where he killed millions in the European nations. He had initially fallen in some mud before his killing spree, and thus appearing to be a negro. And that's the story behind the Black Plague. Way to fucking take my idea, ass.
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Post by Cygnus X-1 on Dec 7, 2005 21:50:38 GMT -5
Chuck Norris totally owned Shiro in Ep.10 of 08th, but he didn't use a mobile suit; he used his bare hands. And then he proceeded to snap to poor man's neck. I have a feeling that that wasn't on the database.
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Post by NeoEllis on Dec 7, 2005 23:03:21 GMT -5
This thread is for original Chuck Norris aphorisms. If you want to just copy and paste from the generator, post in the verse thread, assholer.
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